Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
How to beat the deadbeat dad at thier own game.
Dear friends.
I have been working for awhile on how to find away to get my ex- husband to become concerned and show care and respect for his daughters. Since we broke up in 2005 , the issues between us festered and were never discussed again, he went his separate way. Away from my voice. the very voice that probably kept him awake at night these past five years. Allot of the words I spoke to him back then were mean ugly and designed to propagate a reaction from him. My purpose back then seemed to be to "drill Seargent" him into conformation. I have spoken directly to him , when that didn't work I spoke AT him. When that didn't work I spoke to the courts, they twisted and distorted my words and never found the truth, they never hosently resolved the issue,nor were they responsible. Later, I will discuss this accusation. Right now I want you all to know that I believe firmly that a person can resolve thier mistakes . Mine was to involve the justice system. They never allow the truth. They applie the law , which gives the victim no rights other than counciling and parking reimbursement. The accussed ? Heavy court fines, no mental evaluations , the wrong charge applied and fought for and the wrong solution. The charge turned into felony,probation. Limiting job prospects. He shouldnt have been charged at all, the issue were domestic and warrented counciling. Keeping America's Families together should be the number one priority! I sincerly believe that every daughter needs thier mother and thier father each for different times in thier lives. we need the complete circle to function evenly in order for the process to flow properly. Family circles must have a common ground. My Ex loves his children , he always has, I have never doubted that, others have never understood why my ex made the moves he did, but I did. Not because I did any one particular thing or many particular things. I do know that the more you call the police on someone the more mean they can become. what more do they have to lose. People can be pushed into corners , left to finacial crisis , mental crisis and physical health crisis, and only until a person has had enough of fallen down enough that he eventually descides to rise again but this time he says, "look how many times I have risen!", instead of "look how many times I have fallen!"( great author , I forgot, someone kickme later)
With the above in mind then I wonder why this man still jumped up and down saying I am not listening. Ahhhhh he does not feel acknowledged.... I get it now. so How do you make a person feel acknowledged? Personally , I discontinued the State run Child Support facility that promised to help work out the situation of child support, I feel they didn't help. They compounded the issue for us. Mainly him. I wasnt getting support to begin with, unless I asked directly for a few hundred. They kept taking his license , a few times were his own dang fault but once was mine becasue I didnt report in time that he made a payment(we had a verbal good faith he gave me a 100 dollars I report full payment, I reported half once and then forgot to report at all next time , tee hee hee, im not perfect) , I was trying to gain his trust then forgot to report, my fault. As soon as he found out on wendsday , I took him to the Child support enforcement office to cancel it in front of him. He is here because I invited him to see his children , well honeslty he asked if he could come stay with me he actually begged to see his children and I felt bad, Both kids had injuries (read my other blogs) Anyway, he is making an effort all of a sudden... I am trying to keep the door open for him, but so far Day four is killing me ...two days to go...
I have been working for awhile on how to find away to get my ex- husband to become concerned and show care and respect for his daughters. Since we broke up in 2005 , the issues between us festered and were never discussed again, he went his separate way. Away from my voice. the very voice that probably kept him awake at night these past five years. Allot of the words I spoke to him back then were mean ugly and designed to propagate a reaction from him. My purpose back then seemed to be to "drill Seargent" him into conformation. I have spoken directly to him , when that didn't work I spoke AT him. When that didn't work I spoke to the courts, they twisted and distorted my words and never found the truth, they never hosently resolved the issue,nor were they responsible. Later, I will discuss this accusation. Right now I want you all to know that I believe firmly that a person can resolve thier mistakes . Mine was to involve the justice system. They never allow the truth. They applie the law , which gives the victim no rights other than counciling and parking reimbursement. The accussed ? Heavy court fines, no mental evaluations , the wrong charge applied and fought for and the wrong solution. The charge turned into felony,probation. Limiting job prospects. He shouldnt have been charged at all, the issue were domestic and warrented counciling. Keeping America's Families together should be the number one priority! I sincerly believe that every daughter needs thier mother and thier father each for different times in thier lives. we need the complete circle to function evenly in order for the process to flow properly. Family circles must have a common ground. My Ex loves his children , he always has, I have never doubted that, others have never understood why my ex made the moves he did, but I did. Not because I did any one particular thing or many particular things. I do know that the more you call the police on someone the more mean they can become. what more do they have to lose. People can be pushed into corners , left to finacial crisis , mental crisis and physical health crisis, and only until a person has had enough of fallen down enough that he eventually descides to rise again but this time he says, "look how many times I have risen!", instead of "look how many times I have fallen!"( great author , I forgot, someone kickme later)
With the above in mind then I wonder why this man still jumped up and down saying I am not listening. Ahhhhh he does not feel acknowledged.... I get it now. so How do you make a person feel acknowledged? Personally , I discontinued the State run Child Support facility that promised to help work out the situation of child support, I feel they didn't help. They compounded the issue for us. Mainly him. I wasnt getting support to begin with, unless I asked directly for a few hundred. They kept taking his license , a few times were his own dang fault but once was mine becasue I didnt report in time that he made a payment(we had a verbal good faith he gave me a 100 dollars I report full payment, I reported half once and then forgot to report at all next time , tee hee hee, im not perfect) , I was trying to gain his trust then forgot to report, my fault. As soon as he found out on wendsday , I took him to the Child support enforcement office to cancel it in front of him. He is here because I invited him to see his children , well honeslty he asked if he could come stay with me he actually begged to see his children and I felt bad, Both kids had injuries (read my other blogs) Anyway, he is making an effort all of a sudden... I am trying to keep the door open for him, but so far Day four is killing me ...two days to go...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Your Input wanted!
Today I thought we would try out my new way of deciding the right thing to do.
The ex hasn't made an effort in 5 years to see his daughters. He has barley paid child support. He hasn't been able to maintain steady employment and has got married and divorced in the last two years. Not to mention that he has also created another child in another state which this new mother wants nothing to do with him.....
OK, enough about him. I have been caring for our daughters for the past five years; I have nurtured every tear about their fathers’ absence. I know how badly they want to have their father in their lives.
Over the past two weekends both daughters individually went out on ski trips and injured themselves. The oldest, 13, fractured her spine on two vertebrate. The youngest 11 got a concussion and retrograde amnesia, so naturally the ex wants to see his daughters. Right?
For some reason he expected to stay at my house.... I would foster this idea except the last time he was in our house he became violent and disruptive.
Plus he said he would stay two weeks and under my conditions and he stayed 8 weeks and disregarded every condition I set forth.
He has no job, (neither do I right now) He has no money, He has no real home. I spoke to him over the phone recently on a number of occasions and It seems he still fly’s into fits of rage or at least that how he seems to me. He began rating what seemed to me as nonsense and past accusations. I feel his toxicity.
From the last incident, he is now on probation in the State of California, until July 2010, He is to have completed anger management by this date. I have asked him to show me that he has followed any of the court orders. He cannot and will not provide this information, Mind you, I am only inquiring because of the welfare and wellbeing I am protecting all of us he left us a complete disaster last time and I won’t tolerate another rath of Jon.
I want him to be near his children but I see a disregard for the law and since that is a fact therefore it must be that there is no real regard for whatever boundaries I may suggest to impose.
Thinking from a Childs perspective I can see several outcomes. One is where I can feel the happiness of being in my father’s hug, running into his arms, smelling his presence. But if he should trip out on a fellow drivers bad maneuver, spilled milk or sibling rivalry what would the perspective feel like? I feel fear and devastation---
Are there overnight supervised visits available for parents that want to come into town and spend time with their kids? Do I just abandon my house and let him be with the children? Actually I don’t want him near my safe place. This is our Safe Place and I don’t want him near this house. So how can I facilitate the father daughter relationship and take myself out of the picture? After all I must be what he hates...
So dear Public--- I'm Scared, I am afraid that he doesn’t have his marble and sense together.... I am afraid that if I inhibit his rights in any way that I could be accused of withholding the children to hurt him, I am afraid that if I allow the visit and facilitate their relationships that the ability of their father is so far inapt that he will inevitably emotional destroy my precious.
What would you do???? Who do I get for help? Both daughter injured this past weekend, both want to see their dad, He will be here on the 2nd???? HELP.
The ex hasn't made an effort in 5 years to see his daughters. He has barley paid child support. He hasn't been able to maintain steady employment and has got married and divorced in the last two years. Not to mention that he has also created another child in another state which this new mother wants nothing to do with him.....
OK, enough about him. I have been caring for our daughters for the past five years; I have nurtured every tear about their fathers’ absence. I know how badly they want to have their father in their lives.
Over the past two weekends both daughters individually went out on ski trips and injured themselves. The oldest, 13, fractured her spine on two vertebrate. The youngest 11 got a concussion and retrograde amnesia, so naturally the ex wants to see his daughters. Right?
For some reason he expected to stay at my house.... I would foster this idea except the last time he was in our house he became violent and disruptive.
Plus he said he would stay two weeks and under my conditions and he stayed 8 weeks and disregarded every condition I set forth.
He has no job, (neither do I right now) He has no money, He has no real home. I spoke to him over the phone recently on a number of occasions and It seems he still fly’s into fits of rage or at least that how he seems to me. He began rating what seemed to me as nonsense and past accusations. I feel his toxicity.
From the last incident, he is now on probation in the State of California, until July 2010, He is to have completed anger management by this date. I have asked him to show me that he has followed any of the court orders. He cannot and will not provide this information, Mind you, I am only inquiring because of the welfare and wellbeing I am protecting all of us he left us a complete disaster last time and I won’t tolerate another rath of Jon.
I want him to be near his children but I see a disregard for the law and since that is a fact therefore it must be that there is no real regard for whatever boundaries I may suggest to impose.
Thinking from a Childs perspective I can see several outcomes. One is where I can feel the happiness of being in my father’s hug, running into his arms, smelling his presence. But if he should trip out on a fellow drivers bad maneuver, spilled milk or sibling rivalry what would the perspective feel like? I feel fear and devastation---
Are there overnight supervised visits available for parents that want to come into town and spend time with their kids? Do I just abandon my house and let him be with the children? Actually I don’t want him near my safe place. This is our Safe Place and I don’t want him near this house. So how can I facilitate the father daughter relationship and take myself out of the picture? After all I must be what he hates...
So dear Public--- I'm Scared, I am afraid that he doesn’t have his marble and sense together.... I am afraid that if I inhibit his rights in any way that I could be accused of withholding the children to hurt him, I am afraid that if I allow the visit and facilitate their relationships that the ability of their father is so far inapt that he will inevitably emotional destroy my precious.
What would you do???? Who do I get for help? Both daughter injured this past weekend, both want to see their dad, He will be here on the 2nd???? HELP.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)