Today I thought we would try out my new way of deciding the right thing to do.
The ex hasn't made an effort in 5 years to see his daughters. He has barley paid child support. He hasn't been able to maintain steady employment and has got married and divorced in the last two years. Not to mention that he has also created another child in another state which this new mother wants nothing to do with him.....
OK, enough about him. I have been caring for our daughters for the past five years; I have nurtured every tear about their fathers’ absence. I know how badly they want to have their father in their lives.
Over the past two weekends both daughters individually went out on ski trips and injured themselves. The oldest, 13, fractured her spine on two vertebrate. The youngest 11 got a concussion and retrograde amnesia, so naturally the ex wants to see his daughters. Right?
For some reason he expected to stay at my house.... I would foster this idea except the last time he was in our house he became violent and disruptive.
Plus he said he would stay two weeks and under my conditions and he stayed 8 weeks and disregarded every condition I set forth.
He has no job, (neither do I right now) He has no money, He has no real home. I spoke to him over the phone recently on a number of occasions and It seems he still fly’s into fits of rage or at least that how he seems to me. He began rating what seemed to me as nonsense and past accusations. I feel his toxicity.
From the last incident, he is now on probation in the State of California, until July 2010, He is to have completed anger management by this date. I have asked him to show me that he has followed any of the court orders. He cannot and will not provide this information, Mind you, I am only inquiring because of the welfare and wellbeing I am protecting all of us he left us a complete disaster last time and I won’t tolerate another rath of Jon.
I want him to be near his children but I see a disregard for the law and since that is a fact therefore it must be that there is no real regard for whatever boundaries I may suggest to impose.
Thinking from a Childs perspective I can see several outcomes. One is where I can feel the happiness of being in my father’s hug, running into his arms, smelling his presence. But if he should trip out on a fellow drivers bad maneuver, spilled milk or sibling rivalry what would the perspective feel like? I feel fear and devastation---
Are there overnight supervised visits available for parents that want to come into town and spend time with their kids? Do I just abandon my house and let him be with the children? Actually I don’t want him near my safe place. This is our Safe Place and I don’t want him near this house. So how can I facilitate the father daughter relationship and take myself out of the picture? After all I must be what he hates...
So dear Public--- I'm Scared, I am afraid that he doesn’t have his marble and sense together.... I am afraid that if I inhibit his rights in any way that I could be accused of withholding the children to hurt him, I am afraid that if I allow the visit and facilitate their relationships that the ability of their father is so far inapt that he will inevitably emotional destroy my precious.
What would you do???? Who do I get for help? Both daughter injured this past weekend, both want to see their dad, He will be here on the 2nd???? HELP.
No comments:
Post a Comment